


Come Back, Move Forward

by NachoDiablo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Professors, Enemies to Lovers, Fandom Trumps Hate, M/M, Raising Harry Potter, Sirius Black Never Went to Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:08:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NachoDiablo/pseuds/NachoDiablo
Summary: "He’d been dreading this day ever since the start-of-the-year staff meeting last week, when Dumbledore had announced this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He’d had his suspicions-- Dumbledore always had trouble filling the role, it was only a matter of time before he stooped this low, really-- but to have them confirmed had set a sour tone as the first of September drew nearer."AU where Sirius raised Harry and taught at Hogwarts while that arsehole Remus fucked off to do Merlin-knows-what. Not that Sirius gives one shit about it, of course.





	Come Back, Move Forward

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jehnt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jehnt/gifts).



> Written for the 2019 [Fandom Trumps Hate](https://fandomtrumpshate.dreamwidth.org/) event, thank you jehnt for bidding on me! 
> 
> <3 <3 <3 to [ShaggyDogsTail](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaggydogstail) for the alpha, beta, and zed reading.

“Padfoot? Where’s my permission slip?”

Sirius didn’t look up from the mess of smudged parchment rolls tangled on his desk. “What permission slip?”

“My Hogsmeade permission slip!”

“Oh, that?” Sirius grinned to himself. “It didn’t get mixed up with the newspapers for Hedwig’s cage, did it? I might have dropped it in there by accident.”

“You didn’t!” Harry stood in Sirius’ office doorway with a look of indignance on his face.

Sirius laughed as he pulled a folded slip of parchment out from under a paperweight shaped like a dragon’s egg. “Nah, I didn’t. Here you go.”

“Thank you!” Harry chirped as he ran over to Sirius and grabbed the parchment. He raised one eyebrow at the mess on Sirius’ desk. “Are you going to be ready to go in time? We can’t miss the train.”

“We can absolutely miss the train,” Sirius said. “I’m a professor, I can do what I want. Besides, don’t you want to make a grand entrance like last year?”

Harry’s face flushed. “No, and I don’t want to lose any house points before the feast even starts this year, either. I just want a nice, quiet train ride with my friends.”

Sirius softened immediately, the way it did any time Harry mentioned wanting something  _ normal. _ “Of course,” he said. “But you still want to take the motorbike to the station, right?”

“Yeah!” Harry nodded and flashed a grin, which Sirius returned. He didn’t want Harry to be  _ completely _ normal, after all.

“Alright,” Sirius said. “Then I’ll hurry it up so we’re not late. Go and make sure your broom is packed. Wouldn’t want you to forget that.”

Harry rolled his eyes and headed out of the office. He paused in the doorway. “Is everything alright?”

Sirius raised one eyebrow. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Harry shrugged. “It’s just… You’ve been quiet lately, that’s all.” He nodded towards Sirius’ desk. “And you never let your desk get so messy.”

It was true. After more than ten years working side by side with Professor Vector, he’d become diligent in organizing his work.

And of course, raising a kid on his own had certainly helped force him into somewhat of a regular routine, chaotic though their lives might be at times.

These past two years had been easier, with Harry being able to come along to Hogwarts. Before he turned eleven, Harry had gone to Muggle primary school with his dullard of a cousin. Every Monday morning during the school year, Sirius had dropped Harry off to stay with the Dursleys while he went to Hogwarts. Every Friday afternoon, Sirius had picked him up. It had irritated all three of the adults, but it kept Harry safe according to Dumbledore, so Sirius had borne it with what little amount of good grace he could manage to muster up, and counted down the days until summer break.

What Petunia and Vernon had thought about the arrangement, Sirius neither knew nor cared. He had paid them enough gold each week to cover Harry’s expenses and then some. And if he threw in a not-so-veiled threat every so often on weeks when Vernon looked particularly despicable, well. That was just protective parenting.

Sirius tried to appear nonchalant as he dismissed Harry’s concern with a casual wave of his hand. “I’ve just let the time get away from me. Too excited about the new school year.”

“Me too.” Harry read over the permission slip once more, then folded it up and stuck it in his jeans pocket. “I hope the new Defense teacher isn’t another dud.”

“I’m sure he will be,” Sirius said. He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice; Harry didn’t seem to notice. “Some stale academic bore, no doubt.”

Harry leveled Sirius with a skeptical gaze. “You do remember that  _ you’re _ a professor, right?”

“I know,” Sirius smirked. He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms behind his head. “Can’t believe I’ve got away with it for this long.”

Harry rolled his eyes with a smile. He was a sharp kid; Sirius knew his cavalier attitude didn’t fool him. Harry knew how much Sirius loved his work.

“Come on, Padfoot,” Harry said insistently. “It’s nearly time to go!”

Sirius forced a grin as he flicked his wand towards the remaining papers on his desk. They sorted themselves and shuffled into his briefcase. 

He’d been dreading this day ever since the start-of-the-year staff meeting last week, when Dumbledore had announced this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He’d had his suspicions-- Dumbledore always had trouble filling the role, it was only a matter of time before he stooped this low, really-- but to have them confirmed had set a sour tone as the first of September drew nearer.

But Harry didn’t need to know any of that.

Sirius snapped his briefcase shut and stood up. “Alright,” he said. “Let’s get on with it.”

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“--and it is with great joy that I welcome so many new faces to our Great Hall this year--”

Sirius shifted in his seat as Dumbledore’s welcome speech droned on. It seemed more bland than previous years, but Sirius hadn’t paid enough attention to be sure. He was preoccupied with keeping his glare averted from the thin man in shabby robes and a pleasant smile sat three chairs down from him.

He never thought he’d miss Lockhart, but he had a feeling he’d change his tune after nine long months of having to face Remus fucking Lupin at every staff meeting.

“--reminder that the Forbidden Forest, is, as you may have deduced, forbidden--”

Yes, the speech was most definitely more boring this year.

Sirius’ mind drifted as Dumbledore continued on. His chest tightened as he remembered the last thing he’d said to Remus. Or hadn’t said, really. It had been Lily and James’ house, just a few weeks before Sirius had proposed his inane Secret Keeper swap. Tensions had already been high between Remus and Sirius, and they’d managed to get through an entire dinner, complete with pudding and after dinner drinks, without speaking directly to each other.

Sirius dug his fingernails into the polished wood of the table. The one time he’d managed to have self control. He should have snapped at Remus and picked a fight like he’d wanted to. Perhaps the truth would have come out if they’d had a good row.

But James had insisted that Sirius’ suspicions were colored by his  _ feelings _ for Remus, and had implored him to keep his mouth shut. So he had. 

“--allow me to introduce Professor Remus Lupin, who will be our new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor.”

Remus was careful to push his chair back as he stood and gave the hall a friendly wave. Sirius didn’t miss the stiffness in those narrow shoulders, the dark bags brushed by the shadows of long lashes.  It must have been a rough moon. All of them must have been rough these last years.

Good.

As far as Sirius was concerned, Remus deserved every shitty moon he’d martyred himself through alone. It was a choice he’d taken on himself, just as he’d chosen to leave Sirius to raise Harry on his own, while Remus had gone off to travel the world or hole up in a cave somewhere or whatever the fuck he’d ended up doing. Sirius wasn’t the least bit interested in the details. All that mattered is that Remus hadn’t been  _ here. _

It had been Sirius who’d argued with Dumbledore over the alleged  _ blood sacrifice _ rules of Harry’s custody. It had been Sirius who’d had to white knuckle his way through politely hostile conversations with Petunia and the pile of toad droppings she called a husband. It had been Sirius who’d threatened the papers to keep the Boy Who Lived out of their articles. It had been Sirius who’d had to hear Harry mutter _ I wish my real parents were here _ when he was angry for not being allowed some childish whim or another.

Sirius hadn’t blamed Harry for that one. He’d wished the same thing every day for the past twelve years.

Their whole world had broken, and somehow Sirius had been the one left to put all the pieces back together. Alone.

Remus sat back down. He grimaced slightly as he pulled his chair in. Sirius smirked at the sight. He hoped Remus felt like utter shit. He  _ wanted _ Remus to feel bad. He absolutely did not think even once about brushing the hair off Remus’ face or smoothing out the wrinkles in his robes, or--

“I know that I myself am personally looking forward to this coming year, a time for growth, and fresh starts. Let us not be burdened by the past; this year, anything is possible.”

Sirius wrinkled his nose. What sort of trite crap was this? He glanced over at Dumbledore; the old man winked with a grin when they caught each other’s gaze.

Sirius remained silent as he flicked a vee at the old bastard under the table. Dumbledore’s grin widened.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“And then Snape had a stuffed vulture popping out the side of his head!” Ron’s voice was full of glee as he took his fifth biscuit from the platter on the table in Sirius’ office.

“It was on a hat,” Hermione added. “Neville’s grandmother’s hat, apparently.”

“That’s right,” Sirius laughed. “Augusta’s calling card.”

Harry shuddered. “Snape and Mrs Longbottom at once. Quite a lot to take in.”

Sirius grinned at Harry’s look of discomfort. They’d gone round to the Longbottoms’ place for tea a few times, and Harry had been wary around the formidable Augusta. 

“Be careful, Harry. Don’t insult Mrs Longbottom by comparing her to Sniv-- Snape.” He bit back the rude nickname with great effort. A decade of working with the cretin had allowed Sirius a small bit of control over his vitriol towards Snape, but it was a struggle.

_ “Professor _ Snape,” Hermione corrected. “Professor Lupin said we should use his proper title.”

It took all of Sirius’ willpower not to voice his opinion on what Snape’s  _ proper title _ should be. He wrapped his hands tighter around his tea mug. “So you three enjoyed Professor Lupin’s lesson, then?”

“Yeah!” Harry said with a vigorous nod. “He really knows his stuff. I think we’ll learn loads.”

Sirius felt a headache coming on. Having to sit and listen to Harry wax poetic about the brilliant Professor Lupin was going to make him ill. Or angry. Or more likely, both. Remus didn’t deserve  _ any _ of Harry’s attentions, not now, not ever, no matter what that insufferable voice in the back of his head-- the one that sounded suspiciously like James-- kept whispering.

He made the decision to hex Remus’ office door handle later that afternoon, and his headache instantly eased up a bit..

“If he sticks around.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Seems like the flighty type. We’ll see if he doesn’t bugger off right before exams.”

“Oh.” Harry frowned. “Do you not like him?”

Sirius winced as Harry’s forehead wrinkled in worry. “No, it’s not… I’m sure he’s a fine teacher.” He took another sip of tea and pretended not to notice the three students exchanging puzzled glances.

Hermione cleared her throat. “Er, are you two… Did you know him at school?”

Sirius cocked one eyebrow in mock surprise. “Why would you think that?” he asked, though he wasn’t the least bit shocked that Hermione had connected a few dots.

She blushed, but Sirius recognised the pride in her face as she laid out her reasoning. “Well, you two are the same age, and you seem agitated when he’s brought up.” She leaned forward slightly. “Was he friends with Professor Snape? Is that why you don’t like him?”

Tea dribbled down Sirius’ chin. “No! Merlin’s beard, nothing like that!” He might hate Remus, but he didn’t hate him  _ that _ much.

Harry was looking at him quizzically. “So you did know him, then? Why didn’t you mention it?”

The hurt in Harry’s voice hit Sirius in the gut. 

“It’s not… I didn’t…” Sirius shrugged. “We knew each other by name, but… We weren’t close.”

Harry smiled, and laughed as he elbowed Ron in the ribs while he reached for another biscuit. Sirius breathed a slow sign of relief as Ron changed the topic of conversation to the Chudley Cannons’ less than disastrous defeat last week.

It wasn’t lying, not really. Clearly he and Remus had never truly known each other at all.

  
  


**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“Students are the worst,” Sirius grumbled as he frowned down at the stack of essays on the table in front of him.

“Agreed.” Septima Vector rolled her eyes. “You’ll become numb to it eventually. Once you’re more experienced.”

Sirius rolled his eyes right back at her. “You’ve only been teaching two years longer than me.”

“Well then, maybe in two years you’ll understand what I mean.” Septima smirked over her teacup. They were holed up in their usual corner table of the staff room. Sirius reached a hand across the table to grab a crisp off Septima’s plate, but he pulled it back with a hiss as a wordless stinging hex hit it.

“Ow.” He rubbed the back of his hand with a frown. “Come on, share with me! I need sustenance if I’m going to make it through these essays.”

“You’ll live,” Septima said dryly.

“I won’t,” Sirius insisted. “MacMillan always comes in after class to grade grub. It’s annoying.”

“So take off an extra five points now,” Septima said. “Then when he complains, give them back to him, and he’ll have the proper grade.”

“You’re bloody brilliant,” Sirius beamed. “I’d compliment you better, but I’m so weak from hunger.”

Septima took pity on him and slid over her plate of crisps and half a sandwich. Sirius took a huge bite of the sandwich and grinned through a mouthful of cheese and pickle. Septima wrinkled her nose, but before she could respond, the door opened and Remus slid into the room.

“Good afternoon,” he said with a polite smile. Septima nodded in greeting, but Sirius stayed silent as he shoved the rest of the sandwich into his mouth.

He glared at Remus’ back as he made himself a cup of tea and settled into a poofy chair in the opposite corner of the room. Remus did not look at Sirius as he pulled a book out and flipped it open. 

“That’s my cue.” Septima pushed her chair back and gathered her papers into her bag. “I’m leaving before you two can start your ridiculous passive aggressive banter.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Sirius raised his voice as his glare intensified. “Banter implies a back and forth. Not a one sided conversation where the other person just sits there, dull and useless, like a particularly pungent bubotuber pod.”

“That is exactly what I mean.” Septima patted Sirius on the shoulder as she left the room. Remus looked up and waved at her, then went back to his book.

He didn’t say a word to Sirius. Which was just plain rude.

Sirius supposed that perhaps Remus had never gotten over Sirius’ cold greeting after the welcome feast, but really, what had he expected? Remus had walked over, all smiles, hand held out for a shake, as though they were merely past acquaintances who had parted amicably.

What an utter twat. Sirius had been more than justified in telling him to shove his briefcase up his arse. 

Sirius popped a crisp into his mouth and chewed it thoughtfully as he debated which insult to sling. He lost his train of thought as the staff room door opened once more and Snape swooped in, looking for all the world like the second rate vampire he was.

Snape sneered at Sirius without greeting. They’d done their best to avoid each other over the past decade, at the behest of Dumbledore, but even the most powerful wizard of their day could only do so much. They might not be shooting hexes at each other as they had in school, but they had come awfully close on quite a few occasions.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Snape, which was enough for the greasy git to avert his gaze. His eyes widened as he caught sight of Remus, and his snickered through his sneer.

“Fancy seeing you here, Lupin.” Snape’s oily voice oozed across the room. “And making your own tea, I see. I didn’t realize they let mongrels eat from the table.”

Sirius’s eyes went directly to Remus, but Remus looked unaffected as he smiled and turned the page in his book without looking up.

“Honestly,” Snape droned on, “I don’t see why Dumbledore doesn’t kennel you in between classes. For student safety, of course.”

“Shut the  _ fuck _ up!” Without thinking, Sirius was on his feet, wand in hand. His chair lay on its side with the legs tangled between his feet. 

Snape turned to look at Sirius, one eyebrow raised. “Ah, so you’re finally coming to the defense of your beast, is that it? I was wondering when we would get to this point.”

Sirius bristled. It was one thing for  _ him _ to be critical of Remus’ choices; it was quite another for a fucking Death Eater to talk shit about Remus’ lycanthropy. Remus made the choice to be a selfish arse, but the werewolf bit was involuntary. And not all that fucking important, now that the Wolfsbane potion was available.

“You’re one to talk,” Sirius snapped.  _ “Your _ master is dead and gone, bested by a toddler. A toddler with a Muggle mum, at that. You lot love to talk about how Muggle-born are scum, and yet--”

“I don’t-- Shut  _ up!” _ Snape hissed. His face was a deep purple as he whipped out his wand and held it up defensively.

Sirius rolled his eyes. He wasn’t sure why Snape was getting so defensive when he hadn’t even been insulted. “Merlin, stop with the posturing. You’re not going to hex me in the middle of the fucking staff room.”

“He most certainly is not.”

Sirius jumped as he turned to face the door. McGonagall stood in the doorway, ramrod straight. She shot each of them a frown as she walked over to the cabinet and selected a teacup. 

Snape glowered as he stuffed his wand into his robes and hurried towards the door. His shoulder banged against Sirius’ as he passed. It took all of Sirius’ willpower not to trip the shithead on his way out, but the weight of McGonagall’s gaze helped him control his urges.

Sirius sat back down to finish his food. As he polished off the crisps, he caught Remus’ eye. Remus ducked his head and flashed a small smile. A real smile, not the overly polite bland ones that Sirius had been subjected to since his return. This one was warm; friendly with a glint of mischief.

Sirius hated it.

He shoved the last bite of his sandwich into his mouth and stormed out of the staff room without another look back at Remus.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“I should have stayed.”

Sirius looked up from his toast. Remus had silently slipped into the seat next to him. He served himself a bowl of porridge and ate a spoonful. Sirius waited for Remus to elaborate, but he merely ate another spoonful.

They chewed in silence for a few minutes until Sirius got up and left, wordlessly spelling Remus’ teacup to overflow as he left.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“I lied to myself.”

Sirius gritted his teeth, but didn’t look up from his crossword. Remus perused the bookshelf next to him. The fluffy blue armchair in the westernmost corner of the library was Sirius’ sanctuary on Sunday mornings. But not this Sunday, apparently.

“I wanted to keep you all safe. That’s what I told myself when I pushed everyone away, kept my distance. But it was a lie.” He idly took a thick book bound in dragonhide from the shelf and flipped through the musty pages. 

“I was scared. There was so much uncertainty and I wasn’t sure if… I was scared.”

The tip of Sirius’ tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he wrote “t-a-r-a-n-t-a-l-l-e-g-r-a” in the squared for thirty-six down. Remus shrieked as a particularly heavy book wriggled off the shelf and landed on his foot.

Sirius didn’t bother to hide his snickering.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“I thought about coming back. Every day.”

Sirius dug his fingernails into the skin of his palms. It was bitterly cold out by the Quidditch pitch, and he needed to cast another Warming Charm, but he refused to move, lest Remus assume he was being acknowledged.

“At first, I told myself it hadn’t been that long, and I could go back tomorrow, or the next day. There wasn’t any rush. Then somehow, I don’t know how, but… I’d been gone so long that it seemed impossible to go back.”

Sirius’ mouth curled into a sneer. It he had to hear one more word about how  _ difficult _ things had been for Remus, how much he’d  _ suffered _ whilst tucked away, safe from the consequences of his actions, Sirius swore to Merlin, he was going to shove his--

“I should have made the effort anyway. It’s fucked that I didn’t even try.”

Sirius fought to keep his expression blank. Had Remus just admitted wrongdoing, or was he hallucinating?

“Sometimes I think about what James would say, if he could see me now, with my pathetic excuses, and I…” Remus sighed heavily. Sirius hazarded a glance over, and saw Remus look down at the ground in defeat. He hadn’t bothered to cast a Warming Charm, either, though he had to be near frozen in his worn robes.

“I let him down.” Remus’ words nearly drifted away with the wind. “James gave me so much, and I couldn’t even… I let him down.” Remus squinted his eyes shut against the wind. “And you. And Harry. Harry, I never even… “

Hot tears sprang to the corners of Sirius’ eyes. He turned sharply on his heel and marched back towards the castle with no acknowledgement of Remus. 

If a rogue Warming Charm flew over his shoulder in Remus’ direction, that was merely a coincidence.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“I feel guilty every day.” Sirius dropped a stack of exams on Remus’ desk.

Remus looked up from his chair and blinked in confusion. “What?”

Sirius held his breath for a moment, then exhaled his words in one low, swift swoop. 

“About what happened. It was my plan, my fault. And then after I fucked everything up, you weren’t there, and Harry needed me, and Dumbledore was a twat, and there was paperwork and nappy changes and so much bloody crying, and it was  _ hard, _ Remus, and you weren’t here. So I blamed you and pretended that eased my guilt. But it didn’t.”

Remus’ eyes widened, but he didn’t say anything. Sirius pressed his lips together and fled the office.

“Wait, Sirius, these are Herbology exams, where did they even--”

But Sirius was halfway down the hall before the second half of Remus’ question could reach his ears.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“I missed you.”

Sirius skidded to a halt in the empty corridor. He turned to face Remus, who stood awkwardly in the doorway of an unused classroom.

“I missed you,” Remus said again, more insistently. “Every day. I still do.”

Blood pounded through Sirius’ veins, though he remained very still. He wet his lips unconsciously, noting that Remus’ eyes dropped down to follow the movement.

“I miss you, too,” he said hoarsely.

A faint smile bloomed on Remus’ lips. He nodded, then ducked into the classroom.

Sirius shook his head, then continued down the corridor with a slightly lighter heart. He and Remus had come to a truce of sorts, it seemed. It felt good. Not that it meant that anything would change between them.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

Sirius proved himself wrong a few weeks later at the next Friday night staff happy hour. He’d shocked himself by cornering Remus in the loo between rounds, pressing him up against the wall, and snogging him senseless.

Judging by Remus’ gasp, it was possible that he’d shocked them both, come to think of it.

They’d abandoned their shot glasses, much to the amusement of Septima and suspicion of Minerva, and made their way to Remus’ office. They’d stopped every so often to snog against a wall or rut against each other when the coast was clear of students, Prefects, and poltergeists.

Once they’d stumbled into Remus’ office, Sirius had spelled the door shut behind them and slammed Remus against the wall. His teeth pressed into Remus’ collarbone as he sucked a bruise against the sensitive skin.

“Fuck,” Remus moaned as his fingers tugged at Sirius’ hair.

“Shut the fuck up,” Sirius muttered into Remus’ neck. Now was not the time for discussion. There was nothing to discuss. This was just an exchange of needs, just like back in school, no emotions attached, except there  _ were, _ for Sirius at least, not that he’d ever admit--

“Sirius!” Remus voice was hoarse as he bucked against Sirius’ hips. Sirius scowled against Remus’ shoulder. He needed to keep Remus quiet for good. Luckily, he remembered exactly how to do it.

In one swift motion, Sirius dropped to his knees and hiked up Remus’ robes. He mouthed Remus’ cock through his pants, and felt smug as Remus’ breath hitched.

“I told you to shut the fuck up,” Sirius murmured. “Now listen to me, or else I’ll leave.”

He would never leave, not when he was worked up in a state like this, but he fervently prayed that Remus did not know that. Sirius slid Remus’ pants down to his ankles and sucked the thick head of his cock between his lips, already slick with precome.

Remus’ muffled groans and shaking fingernails raking against his scalp made Sirius’ blood sing with victory. Remus was at his mercy now. Sirius might not have kept up his practice in the art of cock sucking-- a one-off here and there while Harry was away was all he’d bothered to engage in over the years-- but the art of making Remus fall apart had never left him, he found.

“I-- Sirius,  _ please, _ I--” Remus choked on his response before it could pass his lips. His fingers tightened against Sirius’ hair. His breathing grew heavy, labored, and Sirius nearly crowed in victory when he noticed Remus’ knees shaking.

He worked his tongue along the underside of the head and jacked the shaft with his right hand. His left was digging firmly into the meat of Remus’ arse. The enticing sounds of Remus’ heaving breaths caused him to speed up his pace. 

The grindylow in the corner tank fixed him with a judgemental glare. Sirius ignored him and gave the head of Remus’ cock another firm suck. Fuck, it felt good. His own cock was hard and leaking in his pants; he ached for some friction, anything to give relief. The warm weight of Remus’ cock in his mouth was intoxicating. He moaned as he savoured the salty precome on his tongue. Remus’ whimpers grew louder, and his grip on Sirius’ hair tightened and tugged just enough that suddenly, Sirius was coming in his pants like they were back in school, skulking around in some broom closet. 

He pulled Remus’ cock out of his mouth so he could grit his teeth through his orgasm, but he didn’t stop his hand motions. Remus’ eyes widened as he realized what had happened. Sirius felt his cheeks flush, but he stared at Remus defiantly as he continued to jerk him off.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,  _ oh!” _ Remus yanked at Sirius’ hair as he came, pulsing in Sirius’ hand. Stripes of come shot out to paint Sirius’ lips and chin, thick and sticky.

Remus heaved a heavy sigh, and let his head drop back against the door. The sharp fingernails scratching against Sirius’ scalp softened. His hands cupped Sirius’ face and tilted his head upward to meet Remus’ eyes.

“Sirius.” Remus’ voice was tender as he met Sirius’ gaze unwaveringly.

A lump formed in Sirius throat as he met those amber eyes. The grindylow flicked a tentacle at the surface of the water, making a  _ plonk _ sound as the droplets flicked against the walls of his tank.

Sirius’ pants were uncomfortably sticky, but he made a valiant attempt to keep his face blank as he rose to his feet and straightened his robes.

“Sorry, I… you know.” He gestured vaguely towards the grindylow, as though that explained anything. 

Evidently it worked, as Remus nodded in understanding. “Things got carried away,” he said. “It’s fine.”

“Is it?” Sirius raised one eyebrow.

“Of course,” Remus laughed. “It was a one off. It’s not as though things will be awkward after this.”

Sirius nodded in agreement, but he didn’t reply. Things had only just started to become less awkward between them; he didn’t see how a tipsy fuck was going to smooth their path.

He didn’t want to dwell on it further. With a cursory nod, he fled the room in search of a shower and clean pants. He’d deal with Remus tomorrow. 

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

As it turned out, it was impossible for things to be awkward. Awkwardness would require that Remus acknowledge what had happened, which he hadn’t thus far. He still smiled mildly at Sirius over breakfast. He gave a friendly nod when they passed each other in the corridor.

And that was that. No additional acknowledgement at all.

Except for the times when they fucked on the sly.

Every so often during the week, one of them would grab the other and pull them into a supply closet, or a free classroom, or on one occasion, McGonagall’s empty office. They’d kiss, and grope, and swear, and fuck, and then they’d go their separate ways once again.

It was the most ridiculous shit that Sirius had ever been a part of, and he’d once spent an entire summer perfecting a color-changing bogey Charm.

They were two grown wizards, tap dancing around their feelings as though they were teenagers. Sirius was utterly sick of it. He’d realized just how frustrated he was when Harry had sidled up to him after class one afternoon with a trepid look on his face.

“So, Padfoot,” he’d begun awkwardly. Sirius had cringed immediately. Harry was good about calling him Professor Black during the school year. He only whipped out ‘Padfoot’ when he was trying to wheedle something.

“I’ve noticed that you and Professor Lupin seem to be getting along better lately.”

Sirius had narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. Harry seemed to take this as a positive sign and continued.

“It’s only that, well… Nearly Headless Nick mentioned that he used to run around with you and Dad and, um…” Harry had ducked his head and lowered his voice, and Sirius had had to lean in to catch the second half of his sentence.

“I just wondered if it’d be okay for me to ask him if… If he remembered Dad, but… well, you didn't seem to like him much at first, and, er…” Harry had trailed off, looking back up at Sirius with a guilty expression.

Sirius had felt as though a dagger had pierced his stomach. “Of course,” he’d said. “He and your Dad… They were close.”

Harry’s shoulders had relaxed, but the tension in Sirius’ stomach had only intensified. He’d pulled Harry in for an abrupt hug. “I’m sorry,” he’d mumbled into Harry’s hair. “I didn’t mean for you to think I didn’t want you talking to, er, Professor Lupin. Of course you can ask him whatever you like. Just don’t pester him, alright?”

“I won’t!” Harry shook his head vigorously. “I promise!”

Sirius felt like utter shit as Harry hugged him tighter. He’d been so focused on what Remus meant to him that he’d forgotten what he might mean to Harry. He could imagine James lecturing him on what a twat he was being, with Lily standing by his side, interjecting her own biting quips.

As Harry bid him goodbye and left the classroom, Sirius took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. It was time for a talk with Remus. They’d done enough faffing about and missed more than their fair share of chances. It was time for them to hash things out and see if they could make something work for real.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

“No.” Remus’ voice was soft, but firm as he leaned against the window frame in his office, facing away from the grindylow, who glared at them from his tank across the room. “I don’t think a relationship is a good idea.”

Sirius rolled his eyes with great exaggeration. “I didn’t fucking propose,” he said scathingly. “I didn’t even ask for a  _ relationship. _ All I said was that we should try to get our shit together, sort ourselves out, and maybe go out on a real date for once.”

“And all  _ I _ said,” Remus replied in that irritatingly calm tone, “was  _ no.” _

Sirius scowled. “So that’s how it is? You’ll be friendly with me, share your crisps with me,  _ fuck _ me, but you won’t make any attempt at something more? You just want to keep on doing whatever the fuck we’re doing?”

“It’s working,” Remus said. He folded his arms across his chest, but Sirius noticed the telltale nervous twitch of his mouth. “Why do you want to change things if they’re working?”

“They’re working for you,” Sirius retorted. “What about me? What about Harry?”

Remus flinched. “This isn’t about Harry.” 

“You’re right,” Sirius agreed. He stepped closer to Remus, squaring his shoulders and invading his space. “It’s about you and me. So tell me. Why do you refuse to even consider this?”

His inquiry was met with silence. Remus looked out the window, and tightened his arms across his chest.

Sirius took a step closer. Their chests were nearly touching now. “Well? Why won’t you answer me? What have you got to lose? We know each other already. The good parts and the shit parts. We’ve got no secrets left. Fuck, aren’t you  _ tired _ of pretending? We’ve wasted enough time!”

Remus still said nothing. Sirius wanted to smack him. Remus had some nerve, standing there, cool, calm, and collected, as though he was completely unruffled by their conversation.

But Sirius knew better. He saw how the corners of Remus’ eyes crinkled, how Remus’ lips tightened, how his shoulders tensed. Remus was not as unaffected as he attempted to appear.

“Fine,” Sirius snapped. “Sit there and be silent. Useless as a troll, you are. Don’t even have a reason for why you won’t--”

“Fuck, how dim  _ are _ you?”

Sirius jumped backwards at Remus’ outburst. Remus was no longer feigning nonchalance. His eyes were aflame as he glared at Sirius.

“I’m  _ scared, _ alright? I spend twelve years avoiding all this shit, and then when I come back, you’re fucking  _ here, _ with your snark and your fire and your…” Remus threw his hands up in the air. “You pull me right back into your orbit, just like when we were kids, and you’ve got Harry now, too, guilt tripping me for being absent, and nothing’s  _ changed, _ Sirius, I’m still what I am, and I won’t… I can’t…”

Remus’ arms fell to his sides. He flashed Sirius a pleading look, but it was Sirius’ turn to remain seemingly unruffled.

“You’re right,” he sneered. “Nothing’s changed. You’re the same coward masquerading as a martyr that you always were.”

Remus crumbled under his words, but Sirius did not allow himself to feel any empathy. He shoved Remus’ shoulder and stormed out of the office, making sure to flash a vee at the grindlow as he left.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

Sirius was intently brewing his second cup of coffee in the staff room, imagining that the popping sounds of the percolator were the sounds of his fist against Remus’ dopey face, when Snape’s voice echoed over his shoulder.

“Well, well, well. It’s finally happened.”

Sirius pressed his lips together. He tried to focus on the promise he’d made to McGonagall all those years ago to not hex Snape in public areas. He had kept that promise, more or less, for the past decade, and he had no intention of stopping now.

Snape didn’t seem bothered as he continued to speak. “I overheard you and the beast sniping at each other. I always knew he would leave you again. They do make such dreadful pets.”

“Fuck off,” Sirius said numbly. “He’s not  _ leaving _ me, and it’s none of your business in any case. You don’t know shit.”

“I do, actually.” Snape sounded downright amused. “I have no idea why you view me as some sort of vapid plebeian. I am well aware of what Lupin is.”

Sirius’ shoulders tensed. “What’s your point? There’s nothing you can do about it. Dumbledore told you--”

“Dumbledore isn’t unfailing,” Snape interrupted. “I don't follow him mindlessly like you Gryffindor lot. I’ve still got my own mind.”

Slowly, Sirius turned to face the greasy git. “What did you do?”

Snape grinned. “I didn’t do anything. I merely mentioned several…  _ facts _ about werewolves to my Seventh Year students, and let them draw their own conclusions.”

Before Sirius could process what was happening, he’d swooped over to Snape, grabbed him by his collar, and shoved him up against the wall. “Say that again,” he growled.

Snape grinned wider, his yellowed teeth gleaming. “You heard me perfectly well the first time,” he said mockingly. “Your pet’s dirty little secret is out, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Not that you should. I overheard your lover’s spat, and the canine was pathetic. He-- AUGH!”

Snape shrieked as a jet of red light hit his him square in the nose. Large purple pustules welled up on his cheeks, swelling and distorting his face. He fell to the floor writhing in agony, but Sirius didn’t spare him a backwards glance as he left the staff room and headed back towards Remus’ office. 

Hopefully his coffee would be enough of a peace offering for McGonagall not to murder him later.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

Sirius stood in the doorway of Remus’ office. He watched silently as Remus packed his belongings into a large cardboard box. Remus hadn’t noticed him, but he’d caught the grindylow’s eye and exchanged scowls.

Remus looked up from the stack of notebooks he was sorting and caught Sirius’ eye with a start. He stood standstill for a few long minutes, his lower lip caught between his teeth.

“I suppose you heard,” he said dully. He picked up a book and stared at it blankly for a moment before dropping it into the box.

“Got the news straight from the snake’s mouth. Although it seemed more like he was talking out of his arse, if snakes even have those.”

Remus snickered, but his face quickly fell back into its morose frown. “He’s not entirely wrong, though. I shouldn’t be--”

“Merlin’s fucking taint, Moony,” Sirius growled, “if you finish that sentence, I will--”

“You’ll what?” snapped Remus. “What could you possibly do that’s any worse than what that insufferable thestral turd has just…”  He trailed off with a vague wave of his hand, then sighed in resignation. “It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.”

“What do you mean, it’s done?” Sirius asked. He didn’t bother to keep the rising anger out of his voice. “You’re really leaving, then?”

Remus closed his eyes for a brief moment. “Of course I am. What other choice do I have?”

“You could  _ stay,” _ Sirius hissed. “That’s a choice, that’s always been a  _ choice _ for you, and yet you never take it. And might I remind you, you’ve expressed  _ regret _ at not taking that choice the last time.”

“That was different,” Remus insisted. “I’d fooled myself into thinking I could have this life, but that was before Snivellus shot off his mouth.”

“Oh,  _ fuck _ him,” Sirius snapped. “He’s a miserable shit, that’s nothing new. And neither is your  _ condition, _ I might add. Dumbledore knew about it when he took you on. You’ve got that fancy potion now. Nothing else has changed.”

“What’s changed,” Remus said irritably, “is that now everyone’s going to  _ know _ exactly what I am. I’ve been here before, and you’re right, it’s  _ not _ new. No one wants a sodding werewolf in close proximity, especially when children are involved. It’s best that I just leave now and save everyone--”

“You’re  _ leaving?” _

Sirius jumped and turned quickly towards the doorway where Harry stood, square shouldered with an incredulous look on his face.

“Harry!” Remus’ eyes widened. “I… what are you…”

“Ron overheard the Prefects talking,” Harry said. “I didn’t think it was true, but it  _ is, _ isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Remus slumped his shoulders and looked down at his desk. “It’s true. I’m a werewolf.”

“I knew  _ that.” _ Harry rolled his eyes. ”Hermione worked that bit out ages ago. I meant the part where you’re leaving. That’s not true, is it?”

Remus looked up at Harry in surprise. “You knew? But…” He cleared his throat. “Well, if you know the truth of… what I am, then surely you can see why I have to leave now. People won’t want their children being taught by a dark creature.”

“They won’t  _ care!” _ Harry shouted. His hands were clenched into fists and pressed against the sides of his thighs. “The people who matter won’t care! And… and  _ bugger _ the rest of them!”

Sirius’ jaw dropped. He’d rarely seen Harry so worked up before. It took him aback a bit. Evidently Remus felt the same, as he blinked a few times, seemingly unable to speak.

Even Harry seemed surprised by his own outburst, but he quickly steeled himself. “You’re the best Defense teacher we’ve ever had,” he said stubbornly, “and you… you knew them. My parents. You  _ knew _ them, and you’ve only just started to tell me… you can’t leave now, you just  _ can’t!” _

Sirius hazarded a glance at Remus, who was paler than he’d ever seen him. Remus opened his mouth, then closed it without speaking. 

Harry’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t care, do you? You’re just going to-- to  _ leave, _ like we don’t matter.” His lower lip trembled for a moment before he shot Sirius a reproachful look. Sirius immediately felt guilty, thought he couldn’t say why.  _ Remus _ was the one being a twat, not him.

Harry turned on his heel and stomped away with great purpose. Sirius dragged his hand down his face as he sighed.

“Fuck. Now I’ve got to deal with this.” He shot Remus a judgemental glare. “Good job, Moony, as usual. You utter tit.”

He didn’t waste time waiting for a response as he stormed out of the office. Fuck Remus. Harry was Sirius’ priority, now and always. He’d been foolish to forget it.

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

Sirius found Harry curled up in the corner of the sofa in the far west corner of the library, staring out the window moodily. Harry made no acknowledgement as Sirius sat carefully on the other end.

After a few long, uncomfortable minutes, Sirius cleared his throat and broke the silence. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I didn’t… We should have…”

Sirius’ apology died in his throat. He wasn’t sure what to say. Thankfully, Harry broke the silence with a scoff.

“You lied.” His voice was low and accusing. “You said you didn’t know him that well, but that’s not true, is it? If he was that close with my Dad, he was close with you, too.”

Sirius took a deep breath, then let it out. “Yes. We were friends, all of us. Good friends. Me, your dad, Rem-- Professor Lupin. Your mum.”

He didn’t mention Peter. Harry was already aware of the circumstances regarding the rat’s betrayal. Sirius didn’t feel the urge to rehash that particular bit of history. Fucking Peter didn't deserve the attention.

“And now he’s just going to leave.” Harry’s voice was flat as it echoed against the window.

Harry scowled harder. Sirius felt the corners of his eyes dampen as he scooted across the couch to gather Harry into his arms. He pressed his lips to the crown of Harry’s head, messy hair be damned. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m  _ so _ sorry, you’ve no idea. But I love you, so much. I’ll always be here, I promise. No matter what. It’s you and me.”

Harry snuffled as he wiped his nose discreetly across Sirius’ robes. “I know,” he murmured. “Love you too, Padfoot.”

Sirius hugged Harry tighter. He supposed he should say something comforting, but he struggled to come up with anything coherent. 

“You know, er… Professor Lupin, he’s… It’s been a rough time for him, I’m sure. Being a werewolf and all. Don’t judge him too harshly. It’s… His decisions don’t have anything to do with you, you know that, right? He’s got to fight his own demons.”

“I guess I know that.” Harry peeked up at him. “But it’s-- they can still go and  _ bugger _ themselves _ ,” _ he added defiantly.

Sirius chuckled. “Yes,” he agreed. “They can.”

 

**~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~**

Sirius was three quarters of the way through marking his stack of essays when a knock sounded at his door. He looked up as the door swung open and a contrite Remus poked his head in, then sidled into the office.

Sirius frowned, but Remus held up his hand in protest, so Sirius didn’t speak. After a moment, Remus sighed and dropped his hand.

“I’m sorry.”

Sirius fought to keep his jaw from dropping. Remus had expressed remorse in the past, certainly, but a blatant apology was not something he’d expected.

“This is all my fault. I was closed off, thinking about myself without considering Harry’s feelings. Or yours. And… well, now it looks like I lost my chance for something different.” He smiled ruefully. “I was being selfish. I know that. Harry was starting to open up. Things were better between you and me, but they weren’t   _ defined, _ and…” 

He sighed again and looked down at the floor. “I panicked, and pushed you both away. And now it’s too late. Wish we had more time together. Maybe we could figure things out. Dunno how we’d manage it, but we could have tried.” Tired eyes looked up at Sirius.  _ “I _ could have tried.”

A spark of hope flared in Sirius’ chest. He pushed his chair back and stood up, walking closer to Remus. “Giving up already? Lucky for you, Moony, I’m the smart one. We’ll figure it out.”

Remus laughed without mirth. “It’s too late now. Snape tipped off his students. Soon the whole school will know. Parents will complain. I’ll be sacked.” 

He flashed a lopsided grin. “At least getting sacked is better than being murdered, or possessed, or brain addled, like my predecessors, right?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re buying into that curse shit.”

“It’s not  _ shit,” _ Remus said. He moved away from his desk and took a tentative step towards Sirius. “It’s facts.”

Sirius took a step forward himself. He let the beginnings of a smirk grace his expression. “Here’s some  _ facts _ for you.” He moved closer and reached towards Remus’ hands. Remus seemed hesitant, but he allowed Sirius to lace their fingers together.

“Fact one: fuck the curse. Fact two: fuck Snape.” Another step closer, fingers laced a bit tighter. “Fact three: fuck the bigots. Dumbledore won’t make you leave.”

“Maybe not,” Remus hedged. “But the school governors will get angry.”

He took another step closer. Sirius stopped fighting the grin that bloomed on his face.

“Fact four: fuck the governors especially. I’ve got the Black family name and enough gold to kick up a fuss.”

They were less than an arm’s length apart now. Sirius raised his right hand joined with Remus’ to his lips, and kissed their fingers. “I’ll fight for you this time. I swear it.”

“I appreciate that,” Remus said. “I do, truly. But just because you want something doesn’t mean you’ll get it. There’s no guarantee that we’ll come out on top.”

“Probably not,” Sirius shrugged, and flashed a roguish wink. “But at least we’ll have tried, right?”

Remus’ peals of laughter had Sirius in stitches soon after. He leaned in towards Remus and they met in a soft kiss interspersed with chuckles.

“You’re incorrigible,” Remus murmured against Sirius’ lips.

Sirius kissed him again. “I hope so. Can’t get by on my good looks alone, you know. I’ve got to have something extra.”

He pulled back and offered his elbow to Remus. “Care for an escort to the Great Hall for lunch? I hear there might be a bit of drama. Probably some tedious gossip that we should feel free to ignore.”

Remus shook his head, but he was smiling. He slid his arm through Sirius’. “Alright then. Lead the way.”

And Sirius did. He’d let Remus leave once before; he’d be damned if he did it a second time.

Perhaps things would work out just as they wanted. Or perhaps they’d go to shit. Sirius didn’t much care at this point. He was done waiting on the sidelines; he was ready to fight. But more importantly, this time, so was Remus.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nachodiablo1) and [Tumblr](https://wolfstarhq.tumblr.com/).


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